Finding the Doorway for myself

You don’t know me, and I understand why. I’ve never aimed for status — only for a life grounded in a feeling of aliveness, resilience and wonder. My 20 years of work have been about learning to listen, move and build with compassion and trust rather than adding pressure or exerting control.

Still, I’ve been feeling unsatisfied in a persistent way, like a cat scratching at the door. Not because anything was wrong, but because something inside asked, ‘Is this all there is?’ like in Stef Bos’ Dutch song’ ‘is dit nu later?’

From the outside, my world seems complete: a comfortable home, a partner I cherish, nearly grown children. Years of meaningful work launching organisations, guiding workshops and creative projects. A life lived in different parts of the world, shaped by many cultures.

But something deeper was calling

Something didn’t sit right — It seemed like I was living out of tune which made me feel stressed, uninspired and blue. I was capable, productive, and happy in moments, but not connected to what felt true for me. Autopilot had slipped in quietly.

Eventually exhaustion made the choice clear: something had to change. So I went searching — through books, research, podcasts, therapy, coaching, travel, spiritual wisdom. All of it meaningful, none of it transformative.

My soul kept its distance.

What was I longing for? A life with more adventure? Purpose? A path I actively chose?

I was done supporting work that prized profit or hid behind empty claims of sustainability. I wanted to help create change that felt real. I wanted to support well‐being, not burnout.

Shedding skin

As I was outgrowing the skin I was in, I felt it was time to start shedding it. Yoga showed me strength I didn’t know I had. Listening inward helped me heal past pain. And through the heartbreak of divorce, I uncovered my own spark again — my sense of wonder, my love for community, my creative energy waiting to return. I wrote my wishes on separate notes — nature, creativity, experience design, purpose — and placed them on my mirror so they could become part of my everyday life.

Becoming an entrepreneur was my choice to seek challenge, meaning, and a sense of being fully alive. It’s rarely simple—there’s uncertainty, mess, and constant learning. But it lets me bring in what I love: nature, magic, play, and supporting others in their personal and professional development by designing learning experiences.

Very quickly, I saw that this path wasn’t meant to be walked alone. We learn better collectively. Barbara and I met and an idea sparked, and soon after Bernd, Sol and Mitchell joined in! Each person added something unique, and together we began shaping an experience that feels rich, fun, grounded and meaningful. This is just the beginning and I would love to invite you to it!

What’s YOUR story?

Maybe you feel stuck; the days blur into responsibilities and the evenings into scrolling. You want to know what you can do so that your energy is well spent and what you do feels meaningful. All kinds of therapy, shows, drinks, parties, promotions, bigger homes— none of these will bring fulfilment.

I’ve found that 1:1 therapy and meditation alone did not help me to connect with my purpose, but having deep conversation with others to help define what lies within reach does! Recently, I spoke to Matt about my reasons for organising learning journeys and more specifically the Monastery Mystery. Here’s his response:

'After this conversation, I know I want to join this learning retreat! It's all about life questions and that's where my search for my added value for a regenerative future comes in. I’m mid-career, I’ve had some ‘success’ by going up in the hierarchy, but it often feels like an ongoing circus. My search for meaning has taken me to a meditation retreat and I joined a group to write a manifesto...but it all felt quite heavy and it fell flat. I want more clarity and support to know how to use and train my personal capabilities for change.'

Ask yourself: When did I last step into something unknown simply to find myself again?

But maybe the shift isn’t outside. Maybe it’s one honest pause. A space to hear yourself again. A doorway into what comes next.

A personal invitation

If this resonates, I invite you to Monastery Mystery—a retreat where reflection meets play, and purpose meets community.

Join a small group of ‘neo-novices’, from 27 Feb – 1 March 2026 in The Netherlands. Leave feeling clear and energised for your work and your life.

Questions? Reach out or join the online taster session on 11 January at 7pm CEST. (DM/Follow me for the link on LinkedIn.)

Book a curiosity call or sign up now!

PS: This story is personal and true. I hope it stirs something in you.